My husband and I have different parenting styles, I feel it has a really negative affect on the kids. Any ideas?
I'm hoping that the two of you have not displayed your conflicts in front of the kids. They may sense it anyway even if you two do not argue about it in front of them, but it's damaging to them to witness heated conflict especially when it's over them. They will think that they are causing Mommy and Daddy to fight.
I suggest that you make a list with a line down the middle of the page. On one side list all the ways you and your husband agree in reagrds to raising the kids. Then on the other side, specifically list the ways you disagree. The two of you together do some research on a parenting author/s that you both respect and think that their way of parenting would be something you two would both support.
Buy the book(s) and do your research on how the author handles the issues that the two of you are in disagreement about. Agree beforehand that you both will follow the authors way over your personal opinion of how things should be handled. If you can not find the issues you are in disagreement about in the book/s, I suggest you think of someone who has grown children that have turned out in a way you are very admiring of. You like how their kids turned out. Arrange a time to sit down with them, pen and paper in hand, to ask them how they would handle the issues you disagree about. Again, agree beforehand that you will both agree to go along with this person's suggestions.
Mainly you guys need a third party's opinion/input. We can get very attached to our ideas on how our children should be raised. Just remember that until you two come into agreement on how things should be handled--remember where your spouses heart is at. They love your children as much as you do and want only the best for them. If you can keep this in mind, it helps coming into that agreement which is so importent.